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Sometimes, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “detached from reality”, he states. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his behavior, making him highly sensitive to disapproval from those around him. He began to think he might have this personality condition after looking up his traits on the internet – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. But, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t previously arrived at that conclusion by himself. “If you try to tell somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they feel feelings of superiority. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Although people have been called narcissists for decades, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a psychology professor, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he suggests many people hide it, due to widespread prejudice associated with the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to bolster one’s self-esteem through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the specialist says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in Narcissism

Though three-quarters of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are males, studies indicates this figure does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is typically appears in the less obvious variety, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, as with everything in society,” explains an individual who posts about her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders co-occur.

Individual Challenges

I find it difficult with handling criticism and rejection,” she says, whenever it’s suggested that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Despite having this reaction – which is sometimes referred to as “self-esteem damage”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she strives not to return into the negative conduct of her earlier years. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her partner “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if I say something manipulative, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mainly in the care of her father and says she lacked positive role models as a child. It’s been a process of understanding all this time what is suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I never had that as a kid,” she shares. There were no boundaries when my household were belittling me in my early years.”

Root Causes of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be linked to early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting specific standards. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual says when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and life achievements, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships ever worked out. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his doctor, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for talking therapy via government-funded care (ongoing counseling is the primary approach that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: The estimate was it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a small circle about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, in his own mind, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he comments. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are seeking help for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the existence of NPD content creators and the expansion of digital groups indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number