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When I was a teenager in the 1990s, officials seemed to believe that income inequality based on sex was best addressed by advising females that no goal was out of reach. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions convinced me that institutional and cultural obstacles would crumble before my self-confidence.

Experts have since refuted the belief that someone can transform their existence through positive thinking. Will Storr, in his publication Selfie, explains how the neoliberal myth of the level playing field underpins much of self-help culture.

However, there is a part of me that still believes that by putting in the work and glue together a solid dream collage, I should be able to realize my deepest aspirations: the single obstacle to my future is me. How do I find a harmonious middle ground, an equilibrium between believing that I am capable of anything but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Solution Lies in Self-Effacement

The answer, as stated by an early Christian thinker, a theologian from ancient Africa, involves modesty. Augustine stated that humility acted as the cornerstone of all other virtues, and that for someone seeking God “the first part requires modesty; the second, meekness; the final, self-effacement”.

Being an ex-Catholic such as myself, the concept of meekness may trigger multiple adverse reactions. I was raised at a time in religious history when caring about your looks was considered vain; physical attraction was deemed improper outside of procreation; and even pondering solo sex was deemed a transgression.

It’s unlikely that Augustine planned for this, but throughout much of my life, I confused “humility” with guilt.

Constructive Meekness Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Practicing humility, according to psychiatrist Ravi Chandra, does not mean hating oneself. A person with balanced humility values their capabilities and successes while acknowledging that knowledge is infinite. The psychiatrist outlines multiple forms of modesty: cultural humility; meekness across ages; intellectual humility; meekness about what one knows; modesty in abilities; meekness in insight; humility of awe; and meekness during hardship.

Studies in psychology has similarly found multiple perks coming from open-mindedness, including enhanced endurance, tolerance and relatedness.

Meekness in Action

Through my profession as a pastoral care practitioner with elderly residents, I currently view humility as the practice of being present to the other. Modesty functions as a way to reconnect: returning, breath by breath, to the ground I stand on and the individual across from me.

There are some residents who share with me repeated tales from their lives, repeatedly, every time I see them. Instead of watching the clock, I strive to pay attention. I try to stay curious. What insights can I gain from this individual and the stories that have stayed with them while other things faded?

Philosophical Stillness

I strive to adopt the spiritual mindset as described by scholar Huston Smith termed “inventive calm”. Ancient Chinese sages urge individuals to quiet the ego and live aligned to the natural order.

This might be especially relevant as humans seek to repair the damage our species has done on the environment. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs explains that being humble enables us to rediscover “the primal self, the entity that fears in the face of the unknown". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of ignorance, helps us recall our species is a part of an expansive system.

The Elegance of Modesty

There is a barrenness and hopelessness that comes with assuming no limits exist: achievement – whether this means attaining riches, reducing size, or winning the presidential race – becomes the only acceptable option. Modesty permits dignity and defeat. I practice modesty, grounded in reality, implying I have everything I need to flourish.